My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
