You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
