Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
