I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
