You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
