Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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