her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
FUCK WHALES
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