My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
