That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
