I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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