Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
