Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
