Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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