Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
