I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
