I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
