I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
