The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
