I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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