someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
