The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm jealous of your bromance
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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