I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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