ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
