told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
