we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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