She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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