dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
high people should be assigned attendants
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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