I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
