1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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