Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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