Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Even my vagina gasped.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
