Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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