paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
