guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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