When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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