so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
pray to the hookup gods
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
