Apparently you make a good broom.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
