I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
