how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
