can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
