it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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