Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
