I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
