I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
