Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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