Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
