Ambien. No doubt about it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
