and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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