if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
