I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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