You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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