I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
