Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
