Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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